Better Than Me
by Bonnia
Summary: Oneshot DMHG songfic to 'Better Than Me' by Helder. Draco reflects on why he left Hermione, and the consequences.  My first published story, or angst attempt! Please Read and Constructively Review!


**Um... Hello! I'm BonniaFelton, and this is my first well... everything on ! It's my first published story on , it's my first completed Harry Potter Fanfiction(more are in the works), and it's my first attempt at angst. Probably horrible, though, so please, no flames; only constructive criticism! Please read and review! **

The night grew dark, and piercing screams echoed from the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. The crescent moon hung in the sky ominously, reflecting the thoughts of the only person surveying it; dark, gloomy, depressing.

Draco Malfoy sat in his black window seat, looking out at the night, the moon his only companion. He ran a hand through his hair slowly, and thought about why he was here.

He had ran. Had ran from her, from freedom, from the light. He said it was to protect her, and he did want to protect her, with his life, he thought he didn't deserve her.

_I know I don't deserve her,_ he thought. _I lied to her about everything, in the pretense of keeping her safe. _But they both knew that she was more than a match for what was coming.

The chilling scream rang out again into the darkness; higher-pitched and faster now. Draco shivered involuntarily. He remembered what it was like to hear her scream like that, in pain and fright, and he had done nothing to stop it. He was a coward, and he knew it.

_**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
And guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be** _

He remembered sleepless nights; not because of his being scared, but being content with the one he loved. She had made him laugh when he was nervous for the future, she always assured him that they would make it through.

He remembered her face, streaked with tears, as he said goodbye to her for the last time. She had begged him to go into hiding. "Dumbledore will protect you, Draco! Please!" But he had left, knowing that he could never be with her. It was for her own sake.

_Weasley will be a better match for her,_ he thought. _He can keep her safe, whereas I'll only put her in danger. I knew that this would happen all along, and tried to prepare... then, why is it so bloody hard to let go?_

_**I told myself I won't miss you**_

_**But I remembered what it feels like beside you**_

He could still smell a trace of her orange-and-vanilla perfume on the shirt he was wearing. He could still feel her soft, curly hair on his skin, her lips brushing his. Silver gray eyes staring into honey brown eyes. He sighed.

_**I really miss your hair in my face**_

_**And the way your innocence tastes**_

_**And I think you should know this**_

_**You deserve much better than me**_

Before she had left, to go fight this war that they were on opposing sides of, she had given him a letter. Draco hadn't opened it. He was afraid to, surprisingly. Yes, Draco Malfoy was afraid. Afraid that while he wasn't there, the thing he loved most would be lost. He unfolded the bit of parchment now, and glanced at the words scripted upon it.

'Draco-

I'm going to respect your decision. I love you. I always will.

-Hermione'

That was it. He was split between bursting into tears, or dashing out of the room, grabbing his Nimbus 2001, and zooming off to join the light. But he knew he couldn't do that. If he did, the Dark Lord would just punish his mother.

_**While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took that you were lookin' for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room **_

Sobs echoed up through the vents of Draco's room. He tensed, and his fists clenched together in an attempt to control his anger. It was his father. He had threatened Draco with pain for all of them, even his. And when Draco didn't succeed in his mission to kill Dumbledore, everything got worse. That was one of the reasons he had left Hermione. On top of everything else, if his father found out about her, she would be in grave danger. And he loved her; he didn't want that. But that didn't stop his heart from calling out to her.

_**I told myself I won't miss you**_

_**But I remembered what it feels like beside you**_

_**I really miss your hair in my face**_

_**And the way your innocence tastes**_

_**And I think you should know this**_

_**You deserve much better than me**_

The wind whistled slightly through the open window he was sitting near. Draco's white-blond hair flew back from his face, but he took no notice. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts about a certain muggleborn that he was in love with. He inwardly cursed at himself. _Why? Why couldn't I bring up the courage to leave stupid Lord Voldemort? Now, now... now there's no chance for things to get better. I wish I hadn't said what I did, but there's no going back now..._

_**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder**_

_**Wish I never would have said it's over**_

_**And I can't pretend**_

He knew that Weasley would be able to protect her. He was the danger. He knew that. But them, why was it so bloody hard to let go?

_**I won't think about you when I'm older**_

_**Cause we never really had our closure**_

_**This can't be the end**_

Draco swore to himself there and then that he would find her, when this was all said and done. He would surprise her, kiss her, love her, and never leave her again. But some red flashing lights then popped through his mind; _What if she hates me because I left her?_

_**I really miss your hair in my face**_

_**And the way your innocence tastes**_

_**And I think you should know this **_

_**You deserve much better than me**_

_**I really miss your hair in my face**_

_**And the way your innocence tastes**_

_**And I think you should know this**_

_**You deserve much better than me**_

_Then I'll deal with it, _he stated inside. _I'll never stop loving her, as long as I live. I only hope it's enough. _He stood up suddenly, silver eyes blazing with determination. _I can do this. I have to do this. I have to find Mother and leave. Now. For her. _ He collected a few things into a suitcase, cast an disillusionment charm on himself, and and sneaked out to find his mother and save them. And go to her. Because by joining the light and saving her, he would be saving himself.

_**And I think you should know this**_

_**You deserve much better than me**_

_**And I think you should know this...**_

He only hoped that Hermione would forgive.


End file.
